FLUSH! Aaaahhhh! It saved everyone of us!

It's about time I dropped a bit of randomness on this page. I have been making far too much sense of late, and therefore have decided to talk crap. Literally.

I was washing my hands after a trip to the powder room, and couldn't help but notice how amazing the flush toilet is.  I'm sure it's something that is totally taken for granted by the entire civilized world, but I think respect is due.

I know the alternative, pooping in a bag and throwing it in a neighbours garden, isn't really remembered by the bulk of the masses, and I think that is why the flush toilet is so undervalued.  There are many horrible things that we've had to do to remove our "leavings" over the course of history, and there even used to be people paid specifically to collect the stuff that you left in a bin outside your house.  Trainee Knights used to be charged with cleaning out their trainer's suit of armour after battle, since there was no time for the knight to get undressed in the middle of a good scrap, it could be quite messy in there.  King Henry VIII was also know to have a "Groom of the Stool" employed by his court,  who's job it was to keep the Royal Nought nice and shiny.  Henry thought so much of his Turd Polisher, that the word of the Groom was to be treated like the word of the King himself. Perhaps toilet attendants will inherit the earth like Jesus said...

So why am I so mesmerized by the flush toilet?  Well, aside from it being such a good listener when you've had a skinful, it really is a perfect invention.  It uses the natural properties of water and gravity, combined with a little wizzardy magic, to perform it's task with all kinds of excellence.  Firstly, it uses the shallow pool of water in it to prevent the smell of your tod from escaping. (unless it's a floater) So you don't have to worry about that. It also makes an awesome noise when you do #1 in it. Then, when you are done with your leaving, pressing the flush brings in the wizardry.  Litres of water then comes cascading down from it's porcelain waiting room, and ushers out the contaminated water that was there previously, and in my house at least, makes it all blue and lovely smelling again!

This is the real miracle of the toilet. It knows the difference between bum water and blu loo.  How amazing is that?  It could be because of the air trapped in the "S" Bend, but I think it's more likely down to the wizard who enchanted each toilet on the production run.  If you look closely, each wizard engraves his name in each bowl he blesses.  Thankyou Soothsayer Twyford.  Thankyou.